I have been pondering, reading and listening to Sunday School lessons lately on the proper marriage relationship. I am without a doubt married to a Mr. Command and so he takes the submission a little more personally than some husbands. Once my husband says something, it IS set in stone. At least in his mind. And, to be honest, I have been struggling to just let things be. I always have a better idea, or *I think* there was something he didn’t consider (most of the time he actually DOES consider everything, he just has a different value system :).
I was the oldest of 7 children and I am used to carrying the burden of leadership. That being said, I do not even realize that I am not being submissive until after the conversation is over. I mean well, and I am just searching out a matter. These unnecessary conversations are about issues I really believe are important…at the time. Afterward when I am realizing that I have hurt his feelings (made him defensive), who really cares what we eat for dinner, when we eat dinner, if he showed up on time (that is another post :), and which way we took to wherever, whether the children were inconvenienced, what plans we make, what state he schedules meetings in, and the list goes on!
I was driving yesterday afternoon and I was praying, “Lord, I fail you almost every time I have a chance to be submissive!” and I was asking Him what to do. After several weeks of trying, I was getting frustrated. And my mind went through a series of thoughts and the conclusion is that everything I do is between me and the Lord. Yes, issues are between me and a third party, but at the end of it all, it is just me and Jesus. Jesus is the Head of the Church and He has placed my husband as the head of my household.
Treat my husband as I would treat Jesus.
It is that simple. Since my husband is just a man there will be times when a situation IS important, and my husband IS going to make mistakes. If he begins to trust me to have respect for him and his decisions, he will be confident to come to me when he is not sure. On the same token, if I allow him to make all these daily decisions without my help he will begin to understand my value system and the results of his decisions. This is a good thing! It means I can relax, do my part of our ministry in peace and take care of my children patiently.
When my husband says that he is going to do something, I say, “Okay.” When he suggests having leftovers for dinner, does it really matter that I already defrosted the chicken? No, we can have it tomorrow. He doesn’t even have to know that I changed my plans! When he says something, I need to first consider how I would answer if it were Jesus speaking. After all, when I am serving my husband, I am serving Jesus.
Yes, there will be times when I absolutely need to offer my two cents, times when what he decides is absolutely impossible. But honestly, unless something is impossible, I should allow him to lead and enjoy the peace that will follow in our relationship and the transformation in his leadership abilities. The more I allow him to lead (lets be honest here:), the more qualified he will be to do so.